Learning Chinese: culture — Unit 2

The dialogue of Unit 2 stages the meeting of Mr. Li and Ms. Bai. It is an opportunity to discover how Chinese people bear their names, which courtesy titles they use, and to understand two fundamental expressions: 对不起 and 没关系. Behind these phrases lie two major concepts of Chinese culture: face and 关系 guānxi (relationships).

1. Chinese surnames

In China, the surname 姓 xìng holds a central place in a person's identity. Unlike English, where we say "Mr. Smith" (title + name), Chinese always places the surname first : 李先生 Lǐ xiānsheng (Mr. Li).

Chinese surnames are for the most part monosyllabic (a single character). The most common are:

There are still a few surnames made up of two characters (复姓 fùxìng), such as 欧阳 Ōuyáng or 司马 Sīmǎ, but they are rare.

The character 姓 is itself made up of the radical 女 (woman) and 生 (to be born). This etymology refers to ancient matriarchal societies, where descent was traced through the mother. Even though China became patrilineal thousands of years ago, the writing has preserved this trace of the past.

There is a classic poem that all Chinese children learn, the 百家姓 Bǎijiāxìng ("The Hundred Family Surnames"), composed under the Song dynasty (10th century). It lists more than 500 of the most widespread surnames, arranged in rhyming verse. Even today, it is referred to when discussing Chinese names.

Today, a recent phenomenon is attracting attention: more and more parents are choosing to pass on the mother's name to their child, or even to combine the two surnames. Until 1980, the child almost always took the father's name; since then, the marriage law allows them to bear either the father's name or or the mother's. With the opening up to a second child (from 2016), some families give the father's name to the eldest and the mother's name to the youngest. According to the national name reports published by the Ministry of Public Security (公安部 Gōng'ānbù), about one newborn in thirteen bore the mother's name in 2020.

We even see the emergence of a new kind of double name (新复姓 xīn fùxìng), which join the father's name and the mother's name. Thus, a child whose father is called 周 Zhōu and mother 朱 Zhū may be named 周朱 Zhōuzhū or 朱周 Zhūzhōu. In Shanghai, these compound names already applied to 2.5% of babies in 2018. This change reflects a shift in attitudes towards greater equality between men and women, especially in the big cities. Be careful, however, not to confuse these recent names with the 复姓 fùxìng traditional ones (such as 欧阳 Ōuyáng), which have been inherited over centuries.

2. The titles 先生 and 女士

In the dialogue, we hear 白女士 Bái nǚshì (Ms. Bai) and 李先生 Lǐ xiānsheng (Mr. Li). These are the two most common courtesy titles in modern Chinese.

先生 xiānsheng literally means "the one born before", that is, the one with more experience. It is both a polite title ("Mister") and, historically, a title of respect for scholars and teachers. Today, it corresponds to our "Mister" in a formal context.

女士 nǚshì literally means "learned person of the female sex". It is the most neutral and respectful title for addressing an adult woman.

There are other titles that we will see in the following units: 老师 lǎoshī (teacher) in Unit 3, or also 同学 tóngxué (comrade / student), which also serves as a title when addressing a student.

3. 对不起 and 没关系 : apologizing in Chinese

The dialogue contains a very common exchange:

These two expressions are much more than a simple exchange of politeness. They contain, in their very characters, two fundamental concepts of Chinese civilization: face and relations.

3.1 对不起 : "not being able to face"

对不起 breaks down as follows:

  • 对 duì : to face, to confront
  • 不起 bùqǐ : to be unable to rise to (after a verb, it indicates the impossibility of performing the action)

The literal meaning is therefore: " I am not able to face you ". The idea is that one has done a wrong and no longer dares to look the other person in the face. It is an expression that touches directly on the notion of face (面子 miànzi), one of the pillars of Chinese social life.

3.2 没关系 : "no link (has been damaged)"

没关系 breaks down as follows:

  • 没 méi : not to have (negation of 有)
  • 关系 guānxi : relationship, bond

The literal meaning is: " there is no consequence for our relationship ". By replying 没关系, one reassures the other: the incident has not damaged the bond between the two people. It is a way of preserving relational harmony.

4. The notion of face in China: 面子

"Face" (面子 miànzi) is one of the most important concepts for understanding Chinese society. It refers to the reputation, the social image and the respect that a person enjoys within their circle.

In China, there are in fact two types of "face":

  • 面子 miànzi : social face, linked to status, success and how others see you. It is "gained" (给面子 gěi miànzi) or "lost" (丢面子 diū miànzi).
  • 脸 liǎn : moral face, linked to integrity and character. It is lost by committing a shameful act (不要脸 búyào liǎn, "shameless").

In practice, this influences many everyday behaviours:

  • One avoids criticizing someone in public, because it would make them lose face in front of others.
  • Giving a costly gift or inviting someone to a good restaurant amounts to "giving them face".
  • Refusing an invitation or a gift too directly can be perceived as an affront.

5. 关系 guānxi : the network of relationships

We find the word 关系 guānxi in 没关系, but this term has a much broader meaning in Chinese culture. guānxi refers to all the interpersonal relationships — family, friendship, professional — that structure social life.

In Chinese society, guānxi are not a mere "network" in the Western sense of the word. They rest on principles of reciprocity andmutual obligation : if someone does you a favour, you are morally bound to return it one day. This logic runs through family ties, business dealings and professional relationships.

guānxi are neither corruption nor favouritism — it is a system of trust and mutual aid rooted in Confucian culture, where the individual is defined above all by their relationships with others. Understanding guānximeans understanding why Chinese people place so much importance on shared meals, gifts, and time spent together before talking business.

6. Can you say that you are not well in China?

In the dialogue of Unit 2, Mr. Li responds in a surprising way to the question 你好吗？ :

This answer is very unusual in China. In Chinese culture, the question 你好吗？ is above all a polite formula, just like the English "How are you?", to which people automatically reply "Fine". The expected answer is almost always positive:

  • 我很好。 Wǒ hěn hǎo. — I'm fine.
  • 还好。 Hái hǎo. — OK.
  • 还可以。 Hái kěyǐ. — Not bad.

Saying 我不好 to someone you barely know would amount to making the other person lose face (who would feel awkward not knowing how to react) and to losing face yourself (by exposing a weakness). The notion of face we have just seen therefore applies here too.

Of course, between very close friends or within the family, one can be more honest about how one is doing. But in a first-meeting context like the one in the dialogue, such frankness would greatly surprise a Chinese person.